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Posts Tagged ‘funny poems’

 It begins shortly after I serve my two boys

a plate of white cookies and some chocolate milk,

while I’m dipping my burnt whole wheat crackers

 

(the English call Melba toast and sell to us suckers)

 

into chick peas I could have squashed myself,

 

(but purchased as hummus instead)

 

when the questions appear about opposites,

but quickly become infected with laughter

 

(in between chewing and kicking each other)

 

they spill silly pairs of the commonest things

and finally break all the rules of the logic

that makes any sense of the meaning of opposites

 

(Think of a bar room late in a shift)

 

when one of them questions that since it’s

okay to say you’re comparing apples

and oranges like they are unlike, then

surely there must be an opposite for ears?

 

Mouth I say, and tell them to finish their snack.

 

Copyright © henry toromoreno, 2009. All rights reserved

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A poem in response to (or stolen from, depending on your perspective) a friend’s poem.

 

No posts

No signs

No symbols

No music

No meaning

No sonnets

No turning

No land

No secrets

No business

No present

No past

No knowing

No dreaming

No sequels

No man

No order

No echo

No loom

And no time

No standing

No making

No art

No mankind

So Soon

No moon

No ocean

No searching

No thoughts

And then,

Never mind.

Copyright © henry toromoreno, 2009. All rights reserved. With due credit to fellow writer and friend, Carl Tillona’s “Search for Traces”

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This product is intended for daily use

to write, draw, scribble, scrawl

and put ideas down on paper. It does

not protect against laziness, sloppiness,

and other socially transmitted diseases.

 

Benefits of daily use may include but

are not limited to improved creativity,

more original originality, a firmer grasp

of daily scheduling, increased productivity,

and mastery of fine motor skills.

 

Use of this product does not guarantee

these results and the manufacturer in no

way implies that these benefits are typical.

 

WARNING:

Certain heavy users have exhibited serious

side-effects including irritability, anger,

anxiousness, fatigue, depression, headache,

bloating, muscle aches, balding, nausea,

changes in sexual and gastrointestinal appetites,

carpal tunnel syndrome, thoughts of suicide,

ink stained fingers, cap chewing, blue

tongue, pocket spots and increased

cerebrovascular flow. These symptoms are

typical of engaging intensely in the pursuit

of knowledge and the improvement of one’s

mental faculties and should not be taken

as a sign of misusing the product. If all

symptoms appear simultaneously, stop

using the product immediately and wait

until one or more symptoms disappear

before continuing regular use.

 

You should not use this product if you

suspect that you are intolerant, lack

a sense of humor, have no imagination

or exhibit symptoms of other psycho/ social dysfunctions.

 

Please consult a teacher for more information; literally.

 

Copyright © henry toromoreno, 2009. All rights reserved.

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     1st of all

       you never read

       so why would you

       ever have a book

       in your hands

       except to hide

       your guilty mug

       from me?

          2nd of all

       you’re holding a

       crossword puzzle

       book which requires

       work which you

       hate and a writing

       instrument

       which you never

       have so why would

       you be looking

       through that?

So,

now that you have

my attention which

is all you really

wanted;

what are you doing here?

 

This is not a rhetorical question.

 

Copyright © henry toromoreno, 2009. All rights reserved.

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On the same day

     that the Large Hadron Collider

     was turned on to peel away

     the secrets of the universe

          by smashing circling atoms

          at near absolute zero

          at nearly the speed of light

     into each other

I had to listen to someone

     tell me how Nostradamus

     had predicted that this

     day would come.

I explained that the Mayans knew it first.

Copyright © henry toromoreno, 2008. All rights reserved.

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You call this an opportunity?

It’s more like a post

     behind enemy lines

where I find myself

     running ahead, falling behind

I’m not so sure it’s

     worth the effort or  the time.

What is it that we do,

     me and you?

Seems everyone around here does it too.

I should have checked

     the fine print in the ad, like I been told

“Tired of your Job?

     Find a new career in Rock and Roll.”

© 2008 henry toromoreno

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alias and pseudonym

Alias and Pseudonym

met in secrecy

Pseudonym told Alias,

“I hear you tried to pass as me.”

“Ridiculous”, said Alias,

“That rumor is absurd.

The truth my friend

is more different than

anything you’ve heard.”

“Just recently,” said Alias,

“someone employed me,

to obfuscate, then recreate,

their identity.”

“So what,” said Pseudonym,

“I thought that was our job,

we’ve been doing this for quite a while

we both know it’s not hard.”

“That’s not the point,” said Alias,

“when I walked in the room,

they turned to see, that it was me

and called me, “Nom, de plume”

Said Pseudonym, now reticent,

That name belongs to me.

It’s French my friend, a moniker

that suits me quite sublimely.”

“May I suggest,” said Alias,

“though it may be a pain,

that from now on, we correspond

but take on different names.”

© 2008 henry toromoreno

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